Less Self

Day 66.

Now that Im in the final stretch of the journey its time to buckle down and finish strong. The principles that I wanted to follow and learn during the past 66 days have become a new way of life and Im feeling super healthy and clear minded.

I want to ensure that when June 1 rolls around I have zero regrets knowing that I stuck to the rules right to the end. I want to ensure also that I continue to push my self and learn right until the end. No half measures, so to speak.

Goals for the final days:

Most importantly Im focusing on LESS SELF. I have spent the last 66 days thinking about me, myself and I, buts its OK because I needed some serious self-healing. Now, as I'm feeling better and on a centred and focused path, its time to start giving back. The more I speak with people about the path Ive been on, the more I realize that everyone is suffering in some way or other. Everyone wants to be happy and make some improvements in there physical and/or mental well being. Everyone should have access to or support in finding the tools necessary to face the challenges that life puts in our paths.

The most common theme I've read about in the Buddhist teachings is about thinking and doing less for one's self and giving/doing more for others. I am making a physical and conscious effort to do this everyday until June 1. Obviously I want to focus on living more selflessly beyond June 1 too. Ive learned from experience through this challenge that it takes a while for a new behaviour to become a habit. A thought becomes words, words become actions, actions become habits. My hope is to have 'living selflessly' become a habit, much like the other new habits I've formed over the past 2 months have become like second nature.

To reenforce this path of less self, Ive been testing out a new kind of mediation where I focus on love and compassion for all other beings. Im starting with meditation for friends and family that I think need some help. Basically I visualize breathing away their pain and suffering, then envision the light and love bathing their bodies and minds. Once I feel comfortable with this process I'm going to start meditating for the people in my life that I see as 'less desirable'. For example, the people that bother me, annoying me or that I generally do not like. This is going to be a hard one! Ive read that the truest path to enlightenment is through feeling true equanimity for all beings. The idea here is that you receive the enlightenment you are looking for because you are giving back to the beings in our universe. Seems like a good deal to me. Wishing for true love and compassion for all - This is gonna be challenging, but Im gonna give it a go. 

I plan to continue removing excess junk and distractions in all formats. This means being  mindful of spending, consuming, and time spent on devices. This also means working diligently on my savings and debt payment plan. 

I will be mediating everyday  - twice a day on Wednesdays and Sundays when I will be attending formal Buddhist services . I admit that Ive been slacking on this over the past week or so as work is so busy and I've been training really hard.  But, its ok because one of the biggest learnings I'm taking away from this challenge is that I dont need to be perfect. There has to be a little give and take in a busy and full life. I'm doing a lot and sometimes I need to make some compromises.

I will continue with my fitness training schedule up until race day - and likely beyond. This means sticking to the running agenda and hitting the gym for cross training on the off days. Ive been prepping my body for the race with lots of supplements and higher calorie, carb centric foods. I'm resting often and treating my knee pain with hot/cold therapy and taping it for all strenuous work outs. I think post race - Id like to do a 30 day yoga challenge. Im in great shape but need some serious work on my flexibility!

Im so happy the weather has finally started to turn, Ive been outside as much as humanly possible and plan to continue to do so. Im loving spending early mornings and warm evenings wandering the parks with Kaiser.

Unfortunately, work hate and stress is starting to creep back into my mind lately as this nightmarishly long project slowly comes to a close. May 15 marks the end date of this 6 YEAR monstrosity. It is key that I stick to the principles that I have found keep me sane through out this challenge during this last hard push to the end. Honestly, Im so grateful of the timing of all these changes as otherwise I would have had a full on mental breakdown by now. Timing is everything.

Last night I took a risk and went out for a friends birthday party. It was the first time I've been out since the big party in March. I knew I wasn't going to drink or stay out late and felt very confident in my decision to go out and socialize. I'll admit that it was challenging and I felt kinda weird. I was offered drinks etc and was able to turn them down. I had a few nice conversations with some new faces and generally had a nice time. I even went so far as to go to the club with everyone for a little bit.. I didn't stay long. As everyone continued to drink and party more I felt more and more separated from the crowd. The club is definitely a different place when your sober. I was pretty bored actually and just wanted to get back home to see Kaiser. I bailed before the temptation to drink an stay longer became an issue 

Im feeling impressed that I made it out and didn't give in to any temptation. It was really nice to get out and socialize.  I really do spend quite a bit of time alone these days and need to get out there more often. I think I would totally OK with continuing to hide out in my safe little world but that is not right. I need to ensure I still work on making  human connections so that I avoid the mind trapping thoughts of self that so easily take over.

Ive been thinking a lot about what Im going to do once June 1 hits. Throwing all this work away and going back to old habits just doesn't seem like an option. I feel so good and have made huge progress, I would be so disappointed in myself. Like Ive mentioned before, the key is going to be in finding the balance. I want to continue to work on my health and share what Ive learned with anyone who needs help. I want to continue to work on being a better and well rounded human.

I guess I don't have to worry about it quite yet. I will continue to practice living in the here and now and Ill take it one day at a time when that day arrives.